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SuppanSandwich: Mr. Uecker, what's going on in our hotel lobby? |
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Ueckerist: Why, don't be alarmed, Jeff, those are only furries! |
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SuppanSandwich: oh
You mean that gang of guys from The Warriors who paint their faces like Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz? |
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Ueckerist: No, Jeff, those are the Furies. These men are "furries," a group of young people who dress in plush mascot costumes and associate with each other for pleasure. |
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SuppanSandwich: Oh! So they're like the Klements Racing Sausages! |
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Ueckerist: It involves a lot of sausage, but not in the way you're thinking. |
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SuppanSandwich: /squints
/stands on tip-toes
What's that fox doing to that dog? It looks like he's trying to jump over her, but he can't quite make it... |
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Ueckerist: Don't worry, I speak Fursian, I'll handle this. /goes into hotel |
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Ueckerist: Excuse me, Furson, but could you please stop yiffing with that dog? Your flagrant yiffery is bothering our pitcher. |
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ThatDamnFurry: how much am I bothering him? where is he |
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Ueckerist: Juuuust a bit. Outside. |
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ThatDamnFurry: don't try to fursecute me man
i've got sexual desires that can't be understood by you hairless apes |
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Ueckerist: Son, I was once choked by Andre the Giant. I've been to darker places than the front of a Toys R Us. |
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ThatDamnFurry: did you know that we are just like black people and hispanics? we are a minority being opressed
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Ueckerist: Did you know that a blowjob feels a lot better when you aren't covered in dense, sweltering cloth?
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ThatDamnFurry: did you know that furverts have been beaten or even murdered for their beliefs |
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Ueckerist: Did you know that an easier way to piss off your Mom and Dad would be to grow a mohawk and start listening to the Dead Kennedys like a normal human being? |
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ThatDamnFurry: just like a mundane
pish |
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Ueckerist: /leans in
Son, I want you to be happy. I really do. If jacking off with a dishrag in your hand is what you need to get off, by all means, jack off with a dishrag. |
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Ueckerist: And I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I'm a baseball announcer, if I say that Jay Gibbons' wife DESERVES to have the shit beaten out of her, everybody hears that, and I get in trouble. |
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Ueckerist: I work with African-Americans and Hispanics, Caucasians and Asians, children and the elderly. I have to pick my spots, and say the things that need to be said. |
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Ueckerist: So it is with a level mind and complete civility that I can say to you, "Son, your parents made you wrong." |
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ThatDamnFurry: /sketches bob uecker as a superhero billy goat embracing smaller, manga version of self ^_^ |
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Ueckerist: People of differing sexual practices should be embraced and celebrated, for it is the different colors that make a rainbow so beautiful. |
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Ueckerist: Boy, you're standing at the top of a tall tree with your pants around your ankles, trying to fuck that rainbow. |
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Ueckerist: You're trying too hard and I hate you and you deserve it. |
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ThatDamnFurry: O.o |
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Ueckerist: Now get up! Get up! Get outta here! before I command Mr. Belvedere to rise from his grave and snap your neck. |
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NickFurry: ... Bob Uecker? Whoa, Bob Uecker! |
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Ueckerist: what're you supposed to be |
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NickFurry: oh, uh, I'm a dog! |
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Ueckerist: you're blue |
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NickFurry: I'm a blue dog! Like, uh, Huckleberry Hound! |
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Ueckerist: oh god, my childhood |
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NickFurry: Anyway, I'm a huge baseball fan, it's an honor to meet you! We get to meet a lot of baseball personalities when they stay at this hotel during our conventions. |
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Ueckerist: That's great, who have you met? |
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NickFurry: I got to meet Greg Maddux, I got to meet Eric Byrnes' dog... oh, and last time I got to meet Elijah Dukes of the Devil Rays! |
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Ueckerist: Elijah Dukes you say |
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NickFurry: Yeah, he's so nice! I got his cell phone number and we've been keeping in touch through text messages ever since! |
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**Online Host**
NickFurry has received a message!
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NickFurry: That's probably him right now! ^o^
/checks phone
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NickFurry: huh. What do you think it could mean? |
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Ueckerist: you dead dawg |
