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CantFindABrennaman: The Reds' next road trip takes them to Oakland, Seattle and Philadelphia. With us in the studio to comment on the road trip is Cincinnati rookie pitching sensation Homer Bailey! |
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HomerDefined: hi all |
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CantFindABrennaman: Homer, Cincinnati has the worst record in the National League, and this next road trip is going to be tough on the team. |
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CantFindABrennaman: In fact, I think it will be exactly like the Bataan Death March. |
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HomerDefined: oh, absolutely, I can see how the Reds losing a couple of baseball games is just like the historical happenstance of thousands of captured U.S. and Filipino soldiers being forced to walk 70 miles to a concentration camp during World War II |
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HomerDefined: it's almost the exact same thing |
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CantFindABrennaman: What are YOU going to do about it? |
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HomerDefined: I'm going to work on my delivery, work through a few trouble spots coach cued me into, so that when we get to Seattle I can stay on the job until every MURDERING JAP is wiped out! |
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HomerDefined: the entire staff has been really focused on improving our stuff. We've been setting up workouts and camps and really concentrating on getting better. |
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HomerDefined: in fact, these "concentration camps" have become so popular that a lot of other National Leaguers, like Shawn Green, Brad Ausmus, and Jason Hirsh are signing up to play against us. |
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HomerDefined: we've been doing it longer so we're just KILLING those guys in concentration camps. |
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CantFindABrennaman: As well you should! |
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CantFindABrennaman: Getting back on topic, would you say that Oakland is slightly like Nazi Germany, or definitely like Nazi Germany? |
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HomerDefined: They are definitely like Nazi Germany! Billy Beane is the dictatorial oppressor hoping to overthrow baseball and create a race of Nazi Supermen like Justin Duchscherer. |
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CantFindABrennaman: I don't trust his secret alliance with Kurt Suzuki. |
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HomerDefined: Yeah, they tell you he was born in "Hawaii," but Hawaii is just secret Nazi code for Tokyo Japan! |
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CantFindABrennaman: Have you ever seen Kurt Suzuki without his catchers mask? He's got green skin and a huge, bulging brain growing out of the top of his head! |
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HomerDefined: He killed Ken Griffey with a throwing star |
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CantFindABrennaman: He owns 10 copies of Shinobi for the Sega Genesis that he has never tooken out of the box. And he's got crazy eyes, like a lizard! |
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CantFindABrennaman: Oh, speaking of crazy eyes, have you seen Jay Gibbons' wife? Oh man. |
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HomerDefined: something about looking at her makes me want to beat the piss out of her with my palms! |
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CantFindABrennaman: you should put her in the gas chamber a metaphorical gas chamber of course |
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HomerDefined: Yes, I should use "gas chamber" as a hyperbolic representation of something I would actually do to her, like put my hands on her shoulders and shake the shit out of her |
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CantFindABrennaman: perhaps instead of "gas chamber" you could say "ass chamber," so it could be good or bad depending on where you want to go with it |
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HomerDefined: that is fr*cking brilliant |
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HomerDefined: I bet you have blown the minds of everyone listening you should win an award for this |
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CantFindABrennaman: oh god, I know, this one goes to the Reds! I should win the Ford C. Fuck award for major contributions to fucking up the game of baseball. |
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HomerDefined: haha, yeah, we should get high, read history books, and go on the radio every day |